Cyberbullying: Why Fear Should Never Stop You [Dealing With Online Hate]

How Cyberbullying Affected Me

It was 2015 when I stopped writing in the public domain. Before this, I posted frequently on sites like Fictionpress and a few others that I can’t really remember. I loved the thrill of publishing a new piece, whether it was poetry or fiction. Within minutes I’d get reviews and comments from strangers all around the world – some saying nice things, others politely critiquing what they had just read. People said things like ‘your command over language is impressive’ or funny things like ‘I’m addicted to your writing style, it’s like -redacted- to me’. I had regulars too, people who would always review my work as soon as it had posted. I felt like the regulars really watched me grow as a writer. But, as I said, in 2015 I stopped sharing my work in the way that I had before.

To be completely upfront, I did still post my work on Fictionpress after 2015 but it was a heavily edited, almost false, version of the writing I had shared previously. In the past, I wrote from my heart. I allowed my emotions to spill onto the page, giving my readers every ounce of what I was truly feeling about a situation – whether it was love, heartbreak, anger or hate. I shared things that were so close to my heart, not even my closest friends or family knew about them, except my wonderful group of strangers on the internet. There were times where, if I had posted something particularly strong, people would offer their support to me or simply ask how I was doing. I loved the sense of support and community that came from it all. It was almost like therapy to me. Until that day came. 

I want to explain this in a way that won’t provoke anyone since I still don’t know who sent me the message I received back then. I’ll keep the details vague. I had shared a piece that was about an experience I had had with a particular person. No identifying details were given as part of the piece and it was written as a way of expressing the emotions I had felt following the situation – it was presented as a short monologue. The theme of the piece was someone turning someone you are close to against you and how the whole thing made me wonder if there was something wrong with me. In short, it was about how someone’s words can make you blame yourself for something (even if you’re not in the wrong in the first place).

One afternoon, I received a message saying that someone had reviewed the piece. Except, it wasn’t a review. The message said that it was them, the person the piece was about, and that they didn’t regret a single thing about the situation. The message went on to make threats that made me worry about my safety and that of those close to me. 

On reflection, I definitely should have informed the police due to the specific nature of what the person had said. The main reason I didn’t was because I just wasn’t sure how seriously I’d be taken but I would urge anyone now experiencing anything similar to definitely speak with the relevant authorities. The experience shook me. It left me looking over my shoulder in real life as well as feeling a sense of paranoia about who might be seeing my online profiles. Naturally, I tried to think of who the culprit might have been but this only served to make me more anxious as I sincerely hoped it wasn’t any of my friends playing a cruel joke.

Weeks turned into months and I never heard from the person again. To this day, I still don’t know who sent that message. I wish I did but part of me doesn’t care anymore. When I started writing properly again as part of my university module in Creative Writing, I was once again introduced to the supportive nature of the writing community, except this time, it was in real life. Instead of me reading reviews on a screen, I was hearing feedback from across the classroom. Instead of only reading things I felt drawn to, I was exposed to genres that opened my mind to a whole new aspect of creative writing. I spent the 3 years of my degree crafting new material in a style that I felt was more mature compared to my old works as well as writing (obviously non-fiction) essays in my other modules. Being in university gave me the confidence to find my voice again as well as reiterated that everyone has a right to join healthy debate with regards to putting opinions out there. It really helped to drive me out of a place of always worrying that what I was writing was ‘wrong’ if one person didn’t like it.

Where I Am Now

Nowadays, I don’t often share my fiction works online. This is because I’m working on a new book which will showcase my newer poetry, prose and short stories. However, following moving on from the above experiences, I have put myself back out there in the writing community – both with this blog as well as taking part in local events for fiction writers. To close, I want to stress that I should never have dealt with the situation in the way that I did – I should have reported the person for what they said then moved on with confidence in my life. I feel that it’s a vital lesson I learned – that there are good ways and less good ways of dealing with things – it’s about making the choices that you know will prevent fear from stopping you from achieving in the future.

If you are experiencing any form of cyberbullying or have been sent anything that worries you online, please check out this website I found as a starting point on how to report cyberbullying in the UK. This link also provides more in-depth information. While I’m definitely not an expert, I hope this is helpful to someone.