Self-Care: An Unconventional Discussion [4 Things I Wanted to Say]

Self-care has been a hot topic for some time now. Personally, I wasn’t really aware of the term until it rose in popularity in recent years – when I was younger, there was a definite theme of just pushing on, regardless of how you’re doing. I’m really glad that we’ve come away from this mentality (since it was definitely a really unhelpful thought pattern for many) but I wanted to use today’s post to share with you some ‘unconventional’ self-care discussions that I’ve thought of over the years. In a way, I’m over people always comparing self-care to taking a bath or buying a new scented candle. It’s so much more than that.

Before I begin, I want to add the disclaimer of, if you’re in a bad place right now or feel that you are in danger (either due to your own mental space or because someone else may harm you), always reach out to the relevant emergency services for your country. I also want to say that this post is based on my personal experiences – your own life perceptions/circumstances may be very different so always exercise sensible judgement when reading things on the internet.

There’s No Shame in Asking for Help

I don’t know why but, in my experience, there used to be a stigma against those who accessed counselling services or sought help from their doctor for mental health issues (or even just times where things felt overwhelming). Over the years, I’ve met with a few different counsellors and can honestly say that finding someone who is a good fit for you can be life-changing. If you ever feel you want to go down this route, know that it’s always ok to say that you don’t feel the first person you meet with isn’t a good fit if you don’t gel with them – the sessions are for you and nobody else.

Similarly, I feel that people used to view those who use medications for psychological conditions differently to those who don’t. If you’re working with a doctor who has your best interests in mind and, together, believe medication is right for you, you should never feel shame. If other people think differently of you, that’s their issue.

There’s a Difference Between Looking After Your Body and Just ‘Loving It’

A lot of self-care articles I’ve read in the past just seem to make the blanket statement of just ‘loving’ your body. As much as I completely agree with the concept, I feel it is an empty piece of advice without context. Loving your body can mean a thousand different things depending on who you ask, some answers being healthier/more sensible than others. As someone who is often ‘skinny shamed’ I have thought deeply about what the subject of loving your body actually is and personally, I feel that the statement should lean more towards looking after your body as an act of care. Of course, many people do interpret self-love as providing their body with nutritious food and a healthy amount of physical activity but I just wanted to add this point to make the distinction. I guess what I’m really saying here is loving your body should be something that is health-focused rather than numbers on a scale or just another empty statement. Everyone’s body is different so I wish we could move to a place where we stopped putting emphasis on image and more consideration to overall wellness.

More Than Just Meditation

As someone who has suffered from anxiety for a large portion of my life, I’m more than familiar with meditation or the practice of mindfulness. It is something I have engaged in both as a spiritual practice and just for relaxation. However, I feel that in the context of self-care, it is often used as a ‘cure-all’. Within my own practice, I’ve come to realise that it’s far more than just sitting in silence trying to empty your mind or ‘focus on the breath’. It’s about the development of a deeper mind-body connection that enables you to recognise your mental or physical state even when you’re not sitting in a full lotus pose. This connection provides the advantages of knowing when I’m too overwhelmed to take on any more tasks, when I’m eating just because I’m bored or unhappy or when I’m snappy just because I haven’t eaten in a while just to name a few examples. I’ve personally gotten to this place through a combination of learning a fertility awareness-based method as my chosen birth control method, exploring my own spirituality and generally being upfront and honest with myself. Of course, this journey involved meditation but it certainly wasn’t limited to that. This is just the way I have developed my mind-body connection through being mindful, your own journey may be very different.

Being Completely Honest With Yourself, Even if It Hurts

A few years ago, I had to take a long, hard look at what I was doing in my life. I was spending time with people who were, at best, not making me feel good about myself and, at worst, using me. It got to a point where I had to really look into what was no longer serving me and what I actually wanted from my life. From this, I was able to make changes (some more difficult than others) while on the path to looking out for myself. I left some people in the past, let go of possessions that only served as reminders of negative memories and thought deeply about my perceived ‘purpose’ in life. Some of these things weren’t easy but I look back and appreciate that I realised it was time to move on.

What are your thoughts on the subject of self-care? Do you have anything to add to my discussion? Let me know in the comments!