[AD] I Think It’s Time I Talked [My Past As An Amazon Kindle Writer + Why I Hate My Old Work]

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In today’s post, I really wanted to address something from my past. Many of my friends are aware that I used to be an author but not many are fully in the loop of the real story or my take on it now, years on. Also, many people who have come into my life more recently aren’t even aware that this side of me existed. I’m hoping this post will both set the record straight and provide some insight into this part of my history. I’ve set it out in a self-interviewing format according to questions I’ve been asked or wanted to address.

What Books?

In 2012, I became an author as I released 3 books on Amazon Kindle (and later, in print). They were Dare to Dream – a novella, Poems from an Underdog and Musings of a Controversial Teen which were collections of poems and prose/short stories respectively. I began writing the books at the age of 12 with Dare to Dream starting out as just another short story consisting of only one scene. This later developed into enough to form a short book. The other two were a cumulative effort of writing I did as a hobby throughout my teenage years.

What Were They About?

Dare to Dream (Melodrama, Mature-Rated)

Dare to Dream is the story of a seventeen-year-old girl, Claire, who makes it big in the world of writing. She wins a major award and chooses to take her friends along for the ride on the road to success. The storyline jumps forward in time where we witness her as an adult, her wedding to her best friend and how everything seemed to work itself out in the end, despite some of the challenges earlier in the book. Sadly, Claire passes away towards the end of the book leaving behind her husband and daughter. The ending is cathartic with her friends acting as Godparents to her child.

Musings of a Controversial Teen (Prose Compilation, Mature-Rated)

This publication was a collection of short stories (33 in total) written between the ages of 12 and 16. It featured a range of themes including crime, adult-themed fiction and romance. I truly feel that this collection was my way of exploring numerous topics regardless of how old I was at the time of writing. Naturally, the family-friendly pieces were written when I was younger while all of the more adult-themed stories were completed close to its publication time when I was aged 16.

Poems From an Underdog (Poetry Compilation, Not Suitable for Younger Readers)

This poetry collection was the easiest to put together. By the time I was sixteen, I had easily written just under 100 poems. Some were chosen for external publications or won small awards while others I kept to myself due to their personal nature. This book showcased all of the poems I was most happy with at the time – many covering subjects like love, heartbreak and friendship.

Who Inspired the Poems/Storylines? Why Did You Write Them?

In all honesty, this is a difficult question to answer. To keep with anonymity and out of respect, I’ll keep this section vague. Many of my pieces were inspired by things that happened to me, happened to those around me or I saw in the media. Some of the mannerisms of characters were also loosely inspired by people I spent time with, either at the time of writing or in the past. Something I want to stress is that nothing I ever wrote was ‘all about -insert name-‘ or a similar situation. None of my characters or stories were a direct representation of any living individuals or statements of actual events.

My main reason for writing (in general) was to get my feelings down on paper and out in the open. During my teenage years, I suffered with depression and anxiety so writing was also a form of escapism – a place where I could invent anything I wanted to or just forget the world for a while. In the beginning, I never really aimed to publish anything I wrote beyond sharing them on sites like Fictionpress. Over the years, numerous pieces of writing piled up on my laptop. I also was receiving an increasing amount of positive messages about my writing – people enjoyed reading what I had to say, which felt amazing. Even at times where I thought I may stop writing, I continued for the people who wanted to read my work.

Did You Make Much Money From the Books? How Did People React to Them?

In short, no, I never made much money from them. However, for a ‘nobody’ in the world of writing, I was really proud that I still sold quite a few. Unfortunately, the reactions of others were not entirely positive.

My school did not support me beyond allowing an A4 poster in the school library (which was slapped with an explicit sticker and ripped up within the week). I also received a few ‘well done’ comments from teachers I got on with. In contrast, the musicians and artists of our school thrived with mentions in assemblies, additional opportunities and were adored by all of the members of staff. Looking back, I recognise that this bothered me at the time hence mentioning it.

One thing that did concern me with the lack of reaction was that many of my poems were quite strong in terms of their content – not one person (trusted adult or otherwise) checked in with me to ask how I was doing with regards to my mental health.

Aside from the above, I had a few articles about the books in local newspapers and on websites (since removed). I still have one hanging in my office to this day so, on days where I feel down, I can be reminded that I achieved something.

Why Did You Remove Them From Sale? What More Can You Tell Us About the Circumstances Around That?

In 2016, I removed the books from sale. By this time, there were numerous websites that were offering them for sale (and not paying me) that I was not aware I agreed to. This caused great concern to me given that I had put so much work in but was not getting anything in return. I would like to mention here that, if anyone reading this wants to search for my old work, please do not give your personal details or any money to anyone online who claims to be offering them. All reputable sources have withdrawn my books from sale so I cannot say whether those remaining are safe to interact with.

In addition to this, I hit a turning point while attending a creative writing class at university (I studied it alongside my degree). I took an extract of Dare to Dream to read aloud in the hope I could modify or improve it to form part of my essay submission. As I finished reading it, I felt my face flush red. My fellow students gave me kind but strong feedback. My teacher, who I trusted and respected greatly, said that (in comparison with two other recent pieces I had read that day) I could do “much better” and had demonstrated that with my newer work. I left the class that day, not upset but focused on the fact that I really wanted to be something more than my old work.

From that day, I really recognised that the three books I had put out into the world were no longer a true reflection of how my writing had developed over time. I had outgrown them.

If you’d like to explore what I’m currently doing with regards to fiction writing, please head to my Amazon Author page here.