In this post:
Introduction – school, life lessons and nostalgia
In this post, I really want to reflect on what I’ve learned in the almost 10 years since I left compulsory education. I was 15 years old 10 years ago and in the first year of my GCSEs. I hadn’t met my long term partner at this point and was attempting to heal from some things that had happened to me in other relationships. My point is, my world was a completely different place all that time ago. This straight-talking post is all about those lessons you only learn with time as well as me indulging in some past nostalgia from such a very different time period of my life.
“Slut-shaming” was – and is – never ok
Something that really struck me when thinking back was how negative some people were treated, simply because they were more comfortable with their bodies than others might have been or were further along in their body confidence journey. In the UK, the legal age of consent is 16 so I won’t go into sexual acts here, however, it was horrendous to see some young people’s reputations destroyed just because a nasty story was spread.
Looking back, I can never understand how anyone thought it was ok to ridicule someone else’s choices. Of course, if someone had been in danger or friends were worried, it always has been the best thing to support them/seek help from a trusted place but spreading rumours or telling tales has never been right.
Some people never grow up
It’s 2021, we’ve made huge leaps in the acceptance of LGBTQ+ members of our community, we’ve fought (and are continuing to fight) for the rights of people of colour and we’ve advanced in how we look at gender equality across all walks of life. However, for some reason, people still enjoy effectively shitting on other people who are following their dreams.
At age 16, when I first became an author, I lost a huge number of “friends” simply because I was standing out from the crowd. 4 years later I made the national media due to the hate I received for my cloth pad business. With age, I’ve realised that some people never grow up and will always want to say mean things to others about what they’re doing – just like children in a schoolyard.
You can be anyone you want to be
At school, I always felt like the odd one out. People would make fun of me for being the ‘weird’ one. While I couldn’t control my unofficial Asperger’s status (long story, one for another day), I used to try to suppress aspects of my personality so I would appear to be more ‘part of the crowd’. I changed the way I dressed, pretended to turn my back on music genres I loved and stopped talking about TV shows I was watching. With time and declining mental health, it was a facade I could no longer keep up.
While at university, I started to move closer to my authentic self – someone who loved to speak up and speak out on what I believed in. This led to me starting my business in year two and finally feeling able to give the haters the middle finger. My only regrets from the past are the times I didn’t be myself or the times I bit my tongue in an effort to fit in with people who never made it to my future.
Worrying about the small things was pointless
I spent so many nights crying over boys I haven’t seen since school ended. I felt sick to my stomach worrying about whether I’d said or done the wrong thing in a social situation. I overthought about conversations I’d had until it drove me crazy. Now, at age 25, I barely remember what any of those things were about and wish that I’d never allowed them to steal away my happiness.
Always look out for people
Bridgend, my hometown, has a sad and unfortunate past due to numerous suicides that occurred in the late 2000s. It’s something people don’t like to bring up around here but I felt it important to mention as my friends and I grew up in the thick of what felt like a town-wide mental health crisis.
I don’t want to trigger anyone here but I’ll just say that it shaped me as a person to have been able to have been there during some of my friends’ lowest times – many people I was close to suffered with mental health struggles. I am, in no way, taking credit for anything here but it brings me so much happiness to know that they chose light when all there was was dark. With time, I’ve realised that no matter what, checking in on those you care about (and finding them professional help when necessary) is one of the most important things I ever learned.
Grades aren’t everything
I read somewhere that millennials are considered to be one of the most educated generations yet all I see around me are people struggling to find work. Personally, I have a degree that I’m not currently utilising as well as numerous other certifications I’m not sure I’ll ever find a use for. While I don’t condone deliberately failing at school, I do think there should be more room in society for those times where an exam just doesn’t go as well as you thought it would. I believe that there are opportunities out there for all of us providing we just do our best and be ourselves.
School romances don’t last
I appreciate that there are exceptions to this but while I’m happy to say that I’m friends with most of my ex-boyfriends from school, they’re still people I’m no longer in a relationship with at the end of the day. At the time, both of us would think that the relationship was forever and it would feel exactly like the ending of one of those romance movies. The thing is though, time would break us apart as teenage years are ever-changing. Nowadays, I’m just grateful to be there for my ex partners in the capacity of a close friend when they need me and for the ones I no longer speak to, I wish them well.
Grudges are pointless
To recap, this post is all about things I’ve learned in the almost 10 YEARS it’s been since compulsory education. In this time, it’s really hit home that the silly fights and subsequent grudges people held back then are just a waste of energy now. While I prefer to keep my distance from some individuals, I’ve worked to release any anger I held surrounding our pasts together. Forgiveness has been healthier for my mental health overall.
What are your thoughts on what I’ve shared? Would you add or change anything here? What’s your experience?
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