Introduction

This topic has been a long time in the making. After posting my previous article on breaking menstrual taboos, I realised I had a lot of feelings surrounding my own personal experience with sex education here in South Wales. Partly because, within the fertility awareness community, it often comes up about what the world would look like with ‘better’ sex education and body literacy. I also have a long-standing interest in this subject as I studied education at university and chose to write one of my dissertations on how this topic has evolved over the long term and what makes for effective teaching/learning about such a sensitive issue.

Of course, things vary greatly across the UK, let alone the world and that isn’t even getting into how faith schools handle this aspect of the curriculum. I say this because I simply do not know whether what I experienced was the same as every other mainstream school in my area or not. I also reference the media and other external sources in this post as I can’t be 100% sure where I would have originally learned some things and the social landscape was a vital part of contextualising learning about this subject.

I finished compulsory education in 2012 so many could argue that my thoughts are completely invalid nowadays, however, I still wanted to talk about this subject just as a point of reflection. Also, I want to make it very clear here that this is my own experience and thoughts rather than an example of regular practice or a baseline.

Balanced Sex Education Is Important

It was a warm afternoon on the upper floor of the building and everyone had settled into their seats, waiting for the lesson to begin. That day, we were learning about contraceptive options. After the teacher had spoken briefly, she passed around a packet of birth control pills for everyone to have a closer look at.

Once everyone had seen, I recall the teacher talking all about the benefits of going on the pill. However, something that has stuck with me forever is the distinct lack of balance in terms of explanations of the side effects and risks. By contrast, we were even told not to judge a woman if she was on the pill as it may just be for health reasons as opposed to engaging in sexual activity. Of course, many who were in the same classroom may have felt differently but I personally felt like hormonal/LARCs (long-acting reversible contraceptives e.g implant or injection) were promoted much more than not. I also don’t remember any mention of other issues, such as many women experiencing pain or side effects with IUDs or implants – it was all presented as easy breezy.

Overall, I wish I’d experienced more balance to my classes. If I had, I’m not sure I would have viewed the pill as such a good option for me personally from such a young age. To a certain extent, I acknowledge that, as a FAM user and instructor, I have my own level of bias. Regardless of this though, I still believe that everyone has a right to understand the pros and cons of every birth control method out there so that they can make an informed decision about what is right for them and their relationship depending on the season of life they are in. For example, hormonal birth control might be a solid option for someone (after having a discussion with their doctor of course) if they’re too busy or not interested in learning FAM. Condoms might also be a leading choice for someone who engages in more casual encounters. For me though, FAM was a good choice for me from a younger age given my relationship track record and personal preferences. Unfortunately, I was left to figure it all out for myself though, as the education system doesn’t really mention this subject beyond the blanket statement of it being unsuitable.

Being Realistic About First Encounters

I’m not sure what teenagers are doing nowadays but back in the 2000s and 2010s, many people’s ideas surrounding sex and relationships came from movies, TV or adult content. The natural issue with that is that nothing about this content is realistic or a ‘normal’ view of what intimacy is.

While I appreciate that many of us, even at that age, did understand that our first sexual encounters would not be like something from a movie scene, very little actually contextualised what a ‘normal’ first time might look like. For example, many girls I know only learned about sex being uncomfortable the first time around from films or internet forums as opposed to being educated by a trusted adult. Naturally, this led to significant gaps in knowledge and variations in expectation from young people. I feel it also only encouraged potentially unhealthy body image ideals or self-criticism having only been exposed to Hollywood style portrayals of sex and relationships.

More Focus On Healthy Relationships

From my memory, very little lesson time was devoted to what healthy relationships look like. Without getting into specific details, I became increasingly aware of how many women experienced abusive or coercive relationships throughout their teenage years due to there being very little education on matters like consent. Of course, people seemed to understand the basics of ‘no means no’ but popular topics of today, such as not coercing someone into sexual activity while they’re vulnerable (i.e under the influence or not ok emotionally) or not assuming consent just because someone doesn’t aggressively say no were not commonly discussed or understood.

Timings of Sex Education

Personally, I felt like our sex education classes were extremely late. Many in the classroom were already engaging in sexual activity prior to receiving formal education on the matter. To me, it was a scary thought that many could have been putting themselves at risk (of either unintended pregnancy or STIs) due to poor or missing information about the things they were doing. I don’t pretend to be an expert on how the UK education system is built but I honestly don’t see a solid reason (aside from it being tied to the legal age of consent here) for why lessons are withheld until it’s too late for many.

Class Structure

For some of the sessions we had at school, I distinctly remember there being two classes combined into one room. I’m not sure on the specific reasons for it but with barely enough chairs for people to sit, I’m not sure how it was expected that we learn much, let alone engage in meaningful discussion. Given that there were so many people in one room, it also made it difficult for people to feel like they could ask questions, either out of shyness or fear that others would laugh at them. Efforts were made to explain that the lessons were a ‘safe space’ but in reality, I feel that smaller groups would have been a much better option.

Conclusion

While I don’t intend this post to be an outright criticism of my own school or teachers, I surprised myself with how many things I wished had been different when reflecting on this topic. I personally find it really interesting how sex education quality can impact on several areas of someone’s life such as how healthy their relationships are as well as staying physically safe during intimacy. If you have anything to add to this discussion, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.